


Emotions

by ohgollyshewrites



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji Is So Done, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotionally Repressed, Fluff, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Good Friend, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:54:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23445823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohgollyshewrites/pseuds/ohgollyshewrites
Summary: Akaashi Keiji is not good with emotions.So what is he supposed to do when his best friend looks at him like that?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Writer here :^) 
> 
> I'm really into writing this story, so I hope you'll come along with me for the ride. I pray this won't be a flop. 
> 
> Actually, I'm really hoping for this to be, like, a token Bokuaka fanfiction. You know how Klance had Dirty Laundry? I kind of want this to be Bokuaka's Dirty Laundry. I want the readers to go on an emotional journey with these characters and maybe even connect to the story in some type of way. I'm sure it'll never happen, but I'll do my best! Everyone, please just enjoy!

Akaashi Keiji has never been good with emotions. 

Ever since he was young, it was just a thing he struggled with. No one really commented, but everyone noticed. How could they not? Whenever the hoot of an incredibly popular, excitable Bokuto Koutarou was heard, everyone would know. They would know he was talking to the stoic, quiet boy with heavy-lidded eyes, Akaashi Keiji. 

Akaashi was not deaf-- he heard when people made comments. They were small, and it never happened much, but sometimes he'd hear someone say something along the lines of _he doesn't seem to be having fun,_ or _does he even like Bokuto-kun?_ Yes, he does like Bokuto-San. 

This doesn't mean Akaashi isn't popular. In fact, lots of people try to befriend him. He's not sure why, seeing as he likes to keep his side of every conversation short and to the point. There's not much room to grow affection. Though, it always seems to happen. 

"Bokuto-San," Akaashi starts, popping up beside his best friend-- the Ace of Fukuroudani's Volleyball Club. "We need to leave quickly today."

"Huh? Why?!" Bokuto-San all but shouts-- to be fair, this is considered to be his inside voice. Akaashi cuts his eyes to a girl who is very awkwardly standing outside of the school by the gym doors, holding an envelope and looking at Akaashi nervously, then lets his eyes return to his friend, who is trying-- and failing-- to put his volleyball shoes back into his gym bag.

"My mother wants me home early today." He lies, because he knows Bokuto-San would force him to face the girl if he knew, which is not something Akaashi would like to do. Ever. 

"Ehhhhhh?! But 'Kaaaaaashi, I wanted to hang out for a bit!" The boy before him cries, giving Akaashi his signature pout. Akaashi frowns at him. He hates that pout. Maybe he should just give in.

"Sorry, Bokuto-San."

The boy simply pouts more, still trying to shove his shoes in his bag before giving up. "Aaaaaaaaaagh, forget it! I'll just practice for a bit more if I can't get these shoes in. Hey, Akaaaashi, will you toss some--" he stops, seemingly remembering the conversation they were _just_ having. "Oh." 

If he's honest, he feels a little bad. He _wants_ to spend more time with Bokuto-San, but his own selfish need to _not confront that_ _girl_ seemed to overtake him. But, it seems Bokuto-San doesn't mind, because he's already run up to Konoha-San and is begging him to throw some tosses. Konoha-San does not seem like he's accepting the offer, instead looking up to make eye contact with Akaashi as if to say, _why not you?_ Akaashi looks away pointedly, and begins to make his way towards the back door, where he can make a sneaky escape. 

_Sorry, Bokuto-San,_ he thinks again, but Bokuto-San cannot hear him. No one can. 

Akaashi believes he has avoided the threat when he leaves school grounds, so he walks freely down the sidewalk towards his little home. Except, that is not the case. Of course it isn't. It seems, for Akaashi, peace is never the case-- especially not now, since he's become friends with the least peaceful boy in school. Possibly the world.

Suddenly, the girl from before appears in front of him, pink envelope clutched in her hands so tightly he's afraid all the contents inside have ripped. The girl fidgets from foot to foot, eyes looking everywhere but at Akaashi. All Akaashi does is stare, waiting for her to speak. 

_Did she... follow me on my walk home?_ He thinks to himself. _Is that creepy?_

"A-a-a-a-akaashi-Senpai," the girl begins, snapping Akaashi out of his thoughts. _Ah, so she's a lowerclassman. That's why I've never seen her._ "I've been watching you for some time, and I...I-I-I..." the girl pauses to take a deep breath, then abruptly jolts the envelope forward, head down and eyes screwed shut. "I really really like you!" She cries.

Akaashi looks down at the girl for a moment and takes the image of her bowing in. She is incredibly brave for doing this. Akaashi could never do such a thing. He's sure that there is no one in the world that could make him succumb like this, let down all his walls to bow down to someone and accept his emotions. He feels quite proud of the girl to even do something like this. 

"What's your name?" He asks, because that is a normal question to ask someone you have just met. Though with the way she is looking at him now, you would never know this was their first encounter. 

"My name...?" The girls mimics, startled. "Um... it's Hana. Um, I mean, Akiyama Hana." She let's out a strangled laugh. 

Akaashi finally grabs the envelope from her hand gently. He looks down at it, and he knows his facial expression has not changed from when he was walking alone. "Thank you for giving me this, Akiyama-Kun. It's very brave," the girl looks up at him then with large, awe-struck eyes. "But I cannot return these feelings." He adds quickly, to dissipate any false hope her young heart may be harbouring. Instantly, it seems her body stills. 

"Ah... of... of course... I mean, why would you? You don't know me..." She says, completely dejected. Akaashi's neutral mouth drops to a little frown. 

"One day you'll find someone who feels for you as strongly as you feel for them." He nods his head in a form of respect. "Thank you, again." Akaashi walks past the girl slowly, back on the trail to his house, and he wonders if his words completely wrecked all her emotions, or made her fall for him even more. A small, nagging part of him believes it was probably the latter, based off of the look on her face. 

Akaashi thinks about the strange love confession. The confession itself was not strange to Akaashi, no-- this happens a lot, surprisingly. It was his own words that seemed to bother him. Will Akiyama-Kun really find someone who feels the same way about her? 

Is Akaashi a liar? 

No, surely not, because she is a pretty girl who wears her emotions on her sleeves. Who doesn't like a person like that? 

None-the-less, Akaashi gently places the unopened envelope in his school bag. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please bare with me, good things are to come oh so very soon :^)

"Bokuto-San, it's not safe to run around like that." 

Bokuto-San lets out a deep laugh, as if he didn't hear Akaashi's warnings, and continued to run around the dark courtyard, bag strap covering his eyes. 

"Hey, Bokuto, don't die before we even make it inside the bus!" Called out Komi-San, but any aggravation heard in his tone did not show on his face. "How are you even still upright?" He continues, and Konoha-San lets out a snicker from beside Akaashi. 

Fukurodani Volleyball Club is about to board a decent coach bus on a trip to Shinzen for a volleyball training camp-- they will be met with all sorts of elite teams to practice against. 

Akaashi sighs, walking up to the boy, who is now waving his arms around like a complete idiot. Very quickly, he pushes himself close and pulls the strap down until it is off his face and sits across his body like it should. Bokuto-San lets out a cry of protest. 

"Aghaashi, that's no fun! I was perfectly balanced!" He yells, almost angry, but also still laughing from when he was running around. "Look, you try!" He twirls Akaashi so his back is facing Bokuto-San's front, and suddenly Akaashi only sees dark as his eyes are covered by large, rough hands. Bokuto-San's hands. "Now run!" 

"Bokuto-San, if I run, we'll both fall." Akaashi deadpans, and to that Bokuto-San laughs. His breath tickles the back of Akaashi's neck and it takes everything in him not to shiver. 

"Don't worry, 'kaashi, I won't let us fall!" He says with his usual loud voice. It comes from such a close proximity, though, it nearly bursts Akaashi's eardrum. 

"We're leaving without you two if you don't hurry up." Konoha-San calls from Akaashi's left, probably from the bus. 

"Wait! You can't do that, you need me! I'm the ace!" Bokuto yells desperately, and Akaashi realizes they really should hurry up, so he sighs and walks in the direction of the bus, arms extended, Bokuto glued to his back. His strong build really does comfort Akaashi-- surely he couldn't let the rather slender boy fall with those strong arms. Akaashi decides not to focus on Bokuto-San's arms. 

"Ta-da! We made it. I'm the best, aren't I?" Bokuto-San giggles, letting Akaashi go once they make it to a seat. Akaashi stares him dead in the face. 

"You did nothing." At that, Bokuto-San gives him an adolescent pout, but it quickly switches back to his easy grin.

"Hey hey hey, are you excited about training camp?" He asks, completely forgetting the previous conversation-- Bokuto-San is just scatterbrained like that. Akaashi shrugs. 

"Sure," he says. "It could be fun." 

"We're going to see stupid Kuroo-kun again~" He sing songs. Akaashi nods. They met at the last training camp, and Akaashi took quite a liking to the dry humour and mischievous smile of the boy-- it seemed Bokuto-San did too. 

For the rest of the ride, Bokuto-San had a mostly one-sided conversation with the occasional quips from Akaashi. Bokuto-San seemed okay with Akaashi's lack of speaking though, which is appreciated because Akaashi could feel his eyelids drooping even more with every minute that passed-- it _was_ the middle of the night, after all. 

Bokuto-San seemed to notice. "Hey, Akaasheh, there's no need to keep yourself awake." He cooed. "We have a long day ahead of us!" 

Akaashi spared a glance at his friend, who was looking out the window now, but turned towards him when he noticed he was being stared at. "Don't worry, don't worry. I'll wake you when you're there-- you can even lean on me, since I'm extra nice." Akaashi hums dryly at the last comment, but leans his head on Bokuto-San's shoulder anyway. His shoulders are broad. It feels nice. 

When Akaashi wakes up, he is in the same spot as when he fell asleep-- except there's an extra weight on top of his head. It seems Bokuto-San has... fallen asleep as well. In fact, Akaashi feels as if there are a few droplets of drool on the top of his head. It's disgusting. 

Though disgusting, Akaashi can't bring himself to move his friend before the bus stops, so he stays in his position and watches his fingers as they fidget away. He ignores the feeling that rises in his chest as he feels the boy above him breathe peacefully. 

But he no longer needs to think about the knot in his stomach and the heat in his face, because the bus slows to a stop. Akaashi lifts his previously knotted fingers to Bokuto-San's head and lifts it, giving him space to sit up properly now-- his neck _kills._

"Bokuto-San," Akaashi calls gently. The owlish boy barely stirs, so Akaashi gives him an extra little push. Bokuto-San looks so peaceful, Akaashi almost feels bad for doing this. But they must go. "Bokuto-San, we're here." 

Finally, Bokuto-San comes to, blinking his eyes a few times to look up at Akaashi, who is currently hovering over him. Their faces are close. Akaashi moves back. 

"Mmmf, Akaashi…" He murmurs, and perhaps this is the quietest he has heard Bokuto-San speak. "Carry me." 

Akaashi nearly snorts. "No." The quick response earns another groan from Bokuto-San, but he doesn't dwell on it long. Instead, he pushes himself so he's sitting straight, slaps his cheeks twice, then smiles. 

"There we go!" He exclaims, and it's as if he gained all his energy back instantaneously. _Scary,_ thinks Akaashi. _His endless energy is scary._ "Let's go, Akaashehh." And with that, Bokuto-San hurries out of the bus excitedly before anyone else on the team can even stand up. Akaashi stares after him for a moment. 

He thinks this is going to be a long week. 


	3. Chapter 3

Fukurodani is the first to arrive at the camp-- Nekoma is a close second, along with Karasuno. They come in together.

"KUROOOOOOOOOOOOO-KUUUUN!" Bokuto-San shouts in excitement, rushing towards the tall, cat-like boy.

"Oho, Bokuto!" Kuroo drawls out in his usual lazy voice, but there's definitely joy written on his features. "You guys got here super early." He says, glancing around the empty gym. 

"Yeah, we did. Hey, hey, how about we practice a lil' bit while we wait for everybody?! How about it?" Bokuto-San seems to be vibrating with excitement. Akaashi shakes his head, trying to mask the small smile that was threatening to show on his face. 

"Bokuto-San, he _just_ got here. Let Kuroo-San breathe." Akaashi says, finally joining the conversation. Kuroo-San turns his head towards him instead. 

"Akaashi!" He says with a laid-back grin. "Has this idiot been giving you trouble lately?" He points at Bokuto-San.

"Hey!" The boy in question cries.

"He always is." Akaashi deadpans in response to Kuroo-San, ignoring Bokuto-San even after he calls out again. 

" _Double-hey!"_

Kuroo-San simply laughs at him. "Quit whining, dummy, and start spiking." At that, Bokuto-San grins, grabs Akaashi's wrist and drags him to the already set-up nets.

They don't get much practice time before they immediately jump into matches. "Right, everyone!" Bokuto-San claps, gathering the team. "Our goal is zero penalties!" Their first match is against the team Karasuno. The strange one with the quicks. 

Akaashi is not good with emotions, but he _is_ good at reading people. Everyday, Akaashi would make a mental note on new observations he found about team members, classmates, or anyone, really. His mother tells him it's _very rude_ to watch people so blatantly, but that's not what Akaashi does. He barely even sneaks a glance at a person, yet it's enough to know so many things. Except for Bokuto-San, of course-- he is a very special case that Akaashi would have to watch intently to _truly_ understand. _That_ would be rude. 

As the game goes on, he notices things about the team members of Karasuno. Little quirks and techniques special to each person. To a regular person, Karasuno looks to be struggling. And perhaps they are. But Akaashi notices something different. 

He was interested in the way the short ginger boy's eyes looked during their matches. They were hungry eyes. 

The sun was starting to go down at this point, and Akaashi was quite tired. The rooms that had been reserved for their team seemed to be calling his name, but something else was calling it much louder-- literally.

"Akaaaashi!" Bokuto-San cries. "Let's go practice a bit!" 

Akaashi takes in the boy for a moment, who's now tilting his head in confusion at his silence. Bokuto-San seems to be in a good mood today, he realizes. At the very least, Akaashi understands the basics of his friend's brain. He's sure it's just scratching the surface of the enigma that is Bokuto Koutarou, but it's enough. 

When Bokuto-San is having a bad day, he will furrow his brows a specific way and bite at his lips enough to make them bleed. He will clench and unclench his fists, not as if he's about to hurt someone, just so he can get rid of the stiffness of his increasingly angry body. He yells even louder, almost choked in frustration, a silent cry lodged in his throat. Akaashi knows how to cool him down in those situations. Nothing happened today. 

He closes his eyes and sighs. The bed can wait. "Okay, Bokuto-San." He likes practicing with Bokuto-San when he's in a good mood. 

"Let's force Kuroo-Kun to practice a lil' bit, too!" He laughs, his half lidded eyes becoming sharp as he looks for the mentioned boy. 

It turns out, Kuroo-San cannot block for Bokuto-San, instead accompanying them to the empty gym with the motive of training Nekoma's newest middle. "What do we do now? It's no fun spiking without a blocker." Bokuto-San sighs dejectedly. 

"Now, now. I'm sure we can catch someone walking by to help us." Akaashi reassures the boy, turning toward the open doors. As if summoned, a tall boy with blonde hair begins to walk by idly-- _he's from Karasuno,_ Akaashi notices immediately. _He's the boy who's holding back._

"Akaashi, are you psychic or something?" Kuroo-San cries in shock, walking to the doorway with Bokuto-San to call the boy over. The boy refuses almost immediately. 

"Why does it have to be me? Why not someone from Fukurodani?" He asks, and Akaashi hears something restrained in his voice that has been covered with annoyance. 

"Bokuto-San's spike practice is endless, so they all hurry up and leave to escape from it." Akaashi finally speaks, walking toward the clump of boys. He's decided he'd like the boy to stay. For a little bit, at least. 

It's all thanks to Kuroo-San, the master of provocation, that the young Karasuno boy (whom Akaashi remembers his name to be _Tsukushima_ ) decides to join them. So, Akaashi tosses endless balls and Bokuto-San hits them with vigour. The poor Tsukishima-Kun has failed to block nearly all of them-- and Akaashi can see the frustration in his eyes, like a flame that burns so bright that he tries to hide behind his glasses. 

Only when Kuroo-San joins the first-year does he start to see an effect. Tsukishima-Kun watches Kuroo-San's sharp reflexes shut Bokuto-San's spike completely, letting a laid-back little cheer. The blonde gapes for a few moments when no one seems to be looking, but clamps it shut quickly (okay, perhaps Akaashi _does_ stare at people. A little bit). 

Finally, Kuroo-San hits Tsukishima-Kun's breaking point. Akaashi is rather impressed with the self-restraint the boy has had this whole time, making snide, childish comments but not anything that exposes his feelings-- it seems _nearly_ familiar. He wonders if the others have noticed Tsukishima-Kun's pain the whole time. He thinks they have-- it's not hard to see at all. 

"If you take things so lightly, Chibi-Chan will take all the glory away from you." Kuroo-San says, and Akaashi immediately knows who he is talking about-- the short ginger with the dangerous eyes. _Hinata Shouyo,_ he remembers. "You guys play the same position, right?" 

That is the moment Tsukishima-Kun breaks a little inside. He does not look at anyone for a moment, clearly trying to compose himself, but it's too late. They all see the look on his face, and Akaashi even notices the way he clenches and unclenches his fist, just like Bokuto-San. Kuroo-San instantly knows he's crossed a line, and there's an undeniable guilt on his face as he hums at the boy. 

Tsukishima-Kun finally lifts his head with his usual grin. It's never a happy grin, no-- it's a grin that's lost itself. 

"I think you struck a nerve, Kuroo-San," Akaashi notes when Tsukishima-Kun walks away, as if it wasn't _obvious._

"You pissed him off~" Bokuto-San sings. "What an epic failure for the master of provocation, Kuroo-Kun." 

Kuroo-San bites his lip. "Well, I wouldn't have thought that." 

Akaashi listens to the things Kuroo-San says about Tsukishima-Kun's intelligence. _It seems to be quite a mystery to others_ , Akaashi thinks. _But really, Tsukishima-Kun's emotions are bright as day._

Akaashi decides that it's best not to dwell on the pang he felt in his chest as Tsukishima-Kun had walked away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh tsukki ;-; it's okay little one
> 
> also oho? what's this? a pang in akaashi's chest? as he watches a young boy afraid to feel emotions??  
> could he perhaps be...…. feeLinG??
> 
> I w o n d e r w h y ?


	4. Chapter 4

Ever since Akaashi could remember, he was told not to cry. 

"Good job today, Akaashi." Bokuto-San chirped after their final match of the day, clasping Akaashi's shoulder. Akaashi bowed his head. 

"You too."

At some point, he started pushing away all the other emotions, too. 

"Always so formal, eh, Akaashi?" Kuroo-San cuts into their conversation easily, leaning against Bokuto-San's shoulder. 

"Yes, well. That's how I roll, I suppose." He deadpans in return. 

Now what was left?

Akaashi enjoyed extra practices. Though his body ached, and his already heavily-lidded eyes became heavier, he was always peaceful when he tossed. Sometimes Bokuto-San and Kuroo-San would chat idly and Akaashi would let the words seep into his skin and calm ever fibre of his being. Sometimes, he'd chat a little too, with his short, sometimes sarcastic remarks. It was nice. 

It was quite surprising to see Tsukishima-Kun at the doorway on an especially hot night of extra practice, glasses perched on his nose and face perfectly blank. _Well, perhaps not perfectly._

"Oya?" Akaashi says in his sweetly monotonous voice at the sight. 

"Oya oya?" Bokuto-San continues, eyebrows raised and a stupidly triumphant grin sprawled across his face.

"Oya oya oya." Kuroo-San cooed. Tsukishima-Kun looked unimpressed. 

"There's something I'd like to ask you. May I?" He says evenly. Akaashi knows his face does not change outwardly, but he _is_ in fact staring at Tsukishima-Kun more intently. He seems to have changed a bit since they last saw each other. 

"Sure!" Bokuto-San and Kuroo-San exclaim at once. Akaashi is silent, waiting for the words.

"Thank you very much. Both of your schools are considered powerhouse schools sometimes, right?" He asks, and Akaashi stays silent once again.

"Well, yeah." Kuroo-San grits, irritation basically radiating from his body in waves. 

"Even if you were to make it to Nationals, actually winning there would be pretty difficult, right?" 

This time it's Bokuto-San's turn to be irritated. "But not impossible!" 

Akaashi shifts his gaze away from Tsukishima-Kun and towards the two seemingly overgrown children. "Now, now, let's hear him out. This is just theoretical." Bokuto-San lets out a noise similar to a growl, but it doesn't hold lots of aggression. He lets his stature simmer down a bit. 

"I am genuinely curious about this; Why do you get so desperate about all of this? Volleyball is just a club, and maybe you'll get to write, 'hey, I worked really hard in my club in high school,' on your resume, but that's it, right? So, why?" Tsukishima-Kun carries on. The words shouldn't be too surprising for Akaashi, but he's still caught a little off-guard. He wonders what events unfurled in order to bring him back here and ask this question. He silently thanks the universe for letting this happen. He'd like to help Tsukishima-Kun.

Bokuto-San and Kuroo-San look so serious for a moment, Akaashi is sure something intelligent is about to come out of their mouths-- he overestimates them too much. Instead, the two begin talking about how Bokuto-San thought "just a club" sounded similar to a name. Tsukishima-Kun and Akaashi stand there in confusion. 

"Would it be better if I make a retort?" He murmurs to Akaashi with a look of confusion and overall disappointment at the sight of the 4th strongest ace in Japan being so dumb. 

"No, there would be end to it." Akaashi tells him. He's still confused. 

"Say, four-eyes!" Bokuto-San says suddenly, snapping away from the previous conversation as if it hadn't just happened. 

"My name is Tsukishima." 

"Say, Tsukishima-Kun! Tell me, is volleyball fun?"

"...No, not really."

"Maybe it's 'cause you suck at it?" That seems to strike a nerve with Tsukishima-Kun. What is with these boys and bothering the first year? "I'm a third year, and I've gone to Nationals. I'm way better than you. Way better!" He boasts. _Incredible,_ Akaashi thinks to himself. _Even when trying to help someone, Bokuto-San still sounds so above it all._

"But I only recently started thinking that volleyball was fun. Ever since my straight became usable in matches. I've always been good at crosses, but the blockers started blocking that." _That's their job, Bokuto-San._ "So, I got frustrated and practiced the hell out of straights. And, in the next tournament, I didn't let the same blockers touch the ball at all. I shot through them. Just that one shot made me feel like my time had come." He lets out a hearty laugh. 

Akaashi remembers that tournament too well. He remembers the moment Bokuto-San got that straight, the way he turned to look at Akaashi-- as if he had just conquered the world. The feelings spread and suddenly, so suddenly, the team had all erupted into shouts of pure excitement for the feat. 

Akaashi remembers the adrenaline kick he had gotten watching Bokuto-San succeed. He remembers the sound of Bokuto-San's triumphant hoots. 

He remembers the feeling of Bokuto-San's body pressed up against him in a heat-of-the moment hug, sweaty and strong and beautiful. 

Suddenly, Akaashi is snapped out of his thoughts as he sees Bokuto-San-- or, rather, _feels_ him. Feels the aura of true power when he says these words. "What happens in the future, if you can win the next game... Stuff like that doesn't matter now." Akaashi feels like he may fall down from where he's standing, Bokuto-San's mere presence is that strong. The image of his face at this moment is burned into Akaashi's brain for now and forever. "Crushing the guy in front of you, and the exhilaration of playing with 120% of your skills, is everything." Akaashi wonders if he's ever played with 120% power. He doesn't think he has.

Tsukishima-Kun looks as taken aback as Akaashi feels. It seems he didn't need the universe-- all he needed was Bokuto-San. He knew exactly what to say. 

"Well, that's my story, and it might not fit anyone and everyone. I don't really understand why you say 'it's just a club', but you're not wrong. But once that moment arrives for you," he raises a muscular arm and points directly at the young middle blocker. "that's the moment you'll be hooked on volleyball." 

Akaashi knows the words have hit Tsukishima-Kun. In all honestly, he himself is trying hard not the shiver. In this moment, the only thing he can think of is _how cool Bokuto-San is._

The moment barely lasts, though, because he is immediately pushing Tsukishima-Kun towards the net to block some of his spikes. Akaashi sighs. 

Tsukishima-Kun is drinking water alone as the other two chat about something while cleaning their own things up. Akaashi decides to go up to him. Instantly, Tsukishima-Kun seems to tense up, but he does not do anything else to try and keep Akaashi away.

"Tsukishima-Kun," Akaashi starts, and he doesn't know where he'll end. "I think you're really quite interesting."

Tsukishima-Kun let's out a little noise of confusion, dropping the waterbottle away from his face.

"I hope... I hope you come to realize for yourself what volleyball means to you. You're allowed to feel happy with it." He knows Tsukishima-Kun is staring at him in shock. It seems that's his only reaction when he is around Akaashi, Bokuto-San, and Kuroo-San. Akaashi hopes that Tsukishima-Kun understands the weight in the words, rolling heavy off his tongue. He's not sure what else he could possibly manage to say. He bows down. "I hope you'll continue practicing with us."

There is a beat of silence before Tsukishima-Kun replies. "...Yes, I think I will." 

Akaashi nods his head in goodbye and turns to grab his things. 

Akaashi and Bokuto-San walk to their shared room in peace. Akaashi feels like he has to say _something_ after today. 

"You did really well today, Bokuto-San." He says quietly. Bokuto-San turns to him. 

"Huh? You think? I kind of thought my spikes were pretty meh today..." He trails off with a bit of a chuckle. 

"I didn't mean your spikes. I meant what you said to Tsukishima-Kun," he states bluntly. Bokuto-San blinks a few times.

"Oh, that? Heh, I really don't know what came over me. It was like my body was possessed by some super cool warrior, with the things I was saying." He looks up at the moon for a moment, then back at Akaashi in horror. "Do you think that may have actually happened!?" 

Akaashi stares at Bokuto-San for a long time, forgetting that he had to respond. Instead, he wonders what's going on inside that boy's head. Of course, there was no secret warrior demon possessing him. Bokuto-San was just an emotional individual, and sometimes, the emotions switch so fast, and become so strong, that it moves anyone in the room. Akaashi admires him for that.

But he also wonders what's better. To be overly-emotional outwardly at all times, letting the world see you in your most vulnerable moments like Bokuto-San? Or to hide away, to let yourself be the one thing that can hurt you, and never show anyone anything?

Finally, Akaashi flutters his eyes closed, and he feels his lips quirk upward into a small, content smile. "No. That was all you, Bokuto-San." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just haaaaaaad to add the oya scene, didn't I
> 
> im sorry this chapter is lowkey just restating exactly what happened in the anime, i'm going to start to stray from only canon scenes now, don't worry. I have lots of things planned!
> 
> anyways its 1 am and I have online school tomorrow so don't judge the terrible writing. I need S L E E P


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll edit this later. but boy oh boy look at them gays go

"Come on Akaashi, brighten up!" 

"I _would,_ but you both kept me up until 4 AM to play monopoly. This is _volleyball camp."_

Kuroo-San lets out his signature demonic laugh while Bokuto-San raises his shoulders and gives him a sheepish smile. "Sorry," he murmurs. Akaashi simply sighs.

"It's fine. At least I won." And Bokuto-San lets out a startled laugh. 

"Kuroo-Kun, did you hear that? Akaashi's joking around!" The two overgrown idiots laugh together, and Akaashi sighs and turns to Tsukishima-Kun, who's also snickering behind his hand (part of him is glad that Tsukishima-Kun has warmed up to them enough to laugh at Akaashi's pain).

"Please don't laugh, Tsukishima-Kun. Next time I'm waking you up to join us." This stops Tsukishima-Kun, and he frantically shakes his head.

Extra practice has honestly become the highlights of Akaashi's time at camp. The night brings a comfortable coolness compared to the intense heat of the day, where Akaashi could feel his skin crawling even in the semi-airconditioned gym. He also partially enjoyed the personal time with Dumbass 1, Dumbass 2, and The Overgrown Gremlin. Tsukishima-Kun and him had actually gotten quite close, sitting together at the end of each practice and chatting idly, and sometimes even sitting together in the cafeteria. He quite liked Tsukishima-Kun-- and, it seems, Kuroo-San and Bokuto-San did too. They've gotten familiar enough to call the boy Tsukki, much to his dismay. Kuroo-San even seems to be taking the boy under his wing, as a middle-blocker-legend-to-be. 

Tonight, everyone seems to be quite calm, and he's not sure if it's because three of the four players had been up disgustingly late last night, or if finally the atmosphere was cooling down as the volleyball camp was coming to a close. Akaashi supposed it didn't really matter, the fact that they're calm is enough. 

"Huh? Tsukki, did you bring a friend today?" Comes Bokuto-San's voice, which snaps Akaashi out of his thoughts. Akaashi walks up to the net to peer through the holes and to the door where the unexpected visitor stands.

It's Hinata Shouyo, the bright-eyed danger of Karasuno, peeking the top of his head through the doorway shyly, until he's caught, which pulls him out of his hiding place. Tsukishima raises an eyebrow. "What happened to your partner?" 

Hinata-Kun seems to ease himself a bit before responding. "Kageyama is practicing by himself again." Akaashi doesn't hear the rest of the conversation because he's observing Hinata-Kun too intensely. The boy is _extremely_ different when he's off-court. It's as if he's a different person, Akaashi's noticed, and he wonders if that's a trustworthy thing. He's sure he's much too harsh, because the boy in front of him seems so sweet and genuine that there couldn't possibly be something foul. Though, Akaashi knows, outright appearances could be all-too deceiving. It's all about the little things. 

Akaashi tunes back into the conversation as soon as he realizes Lev-Kun has joined too. "How about a little three-on-three?" He catches Kuroo-San asking, and Hinata-Kun lets out an excited cheer as he pumps his arms in the air. 

"Um... don't you think these teams are a little... unfair?" Akaashi drawls as he looks between the two made teams. Kuroo-San's team has a very obvious height advantage. 

"It's fine! Let's do something we can't do during the day." Kuroo-San smiles, and Akaashi gives him a dry look as he tries to block out the sounds of childish screams coming from Bokuto-San and Hinata-Kun. They're both _far_ too excited.

They don't get to play much before Yukie-San and Kaori-San disrupt them with the prospect of dinner, which makes Bokuto-San and Lev-Kun dash in excitement. Akaashi stops for a moment at the dejected look on Hinata-Kun's face. 

"Chibi-Chan," Kuroo-San says, and there's a look on his face that Akaashi can't quite place. "We'll continue practicing tomorrow, okay?" And at that, he's gone, not bothering to wait for a reaction. Akaashi is the only one around to see the smile light up on Hinata-Kun's face as he lets out an overzealous _Yeah!_

Akaashi is glad to sink into the futon once they've finished dinner, instantly dropping his eyelids and relaxing completely. Everyone was already asleep when Akaashi and Bokuto-San got back in, so they might as well join in.

Akaashi can't help but open his eyes for a moment to look at Bokuto-San. He's been uncharacteristically quiet today, and while he still yelled, it seemed to have less edge than usual. Akaashi can't help but worry, just a little bit, even though he knows he shouldn't. There's no reason to worry, because Bokuto-San still has a smile on his face, yet Akaashi still finds himself speaking. "Are you okay, Bokuto-San?" 

Bokuto-San turns in bed so he's facing Akaashi, a perplexed look written in his features. "Yeah? What makes you think I'm not okay?" He says in his overly-loud voice, and Akaashi reminds him to be quiet, but secretly he's a little relieved that the boy is still lively. 

"I'm just a worrywart, I suppose. You've been particularly quiet today." 

Bokuto-San lets out a giggle. "'Kaashi's worried, eh? Well, don't be, I'm okay, really! I'm just sad that the volleyball camp's almost over." Akaashi nods in understanding. One more night after this one, and they're back to dreadful schoolwork and simple practices and no Kuroo-San or Tsukishima-Kun. And Akaashi probably won't have enough time to make up his mind about Hinata-Kun, either. 

"I understand. But there's nothing we can do, can we? Nothing to do but sleep." He murmurs, feeling his eyes begin to shut once again. "Goodnight." He says, then turns because he is acutely aware that Bokuto-San is staring. Bokuto-San gives him a partially too-loud _'night,_ before sighing into silence. 

The silence doesn't last too long, though. 

"Hey, Akaashi, I can't sleep." Bokuto-San says after a while. 

"You're going to have to try, Bokuto-San." There is a few beats of silence and Akaashi assumes Bokuto-San is going to take his advice. 

"Hey Akaashi?"

"...Yes, Bokuto-San?" 

"How'd you start playing volleyball?"

Akaashi is slightly taken aback by the question. He shifts in his futon, opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling. "It's not that special, really. My mother wanted me to start a sport, and I thought volleyball would be easy. Turns out I was actually pretty decent, so I got scouted by a bunch of schools. But I didn't want to continue playing much after middle school." 

"Then why are you here?" The way Bokuto-San says it so bluntly makes Akaashi huff in amusement. 

"At first, I was going to decline Fukurodani's invitation, but then... well, I..." 

"Well, you...?" He presses.

Akaashi stops. He said too much, Bokuto-San knows too much. What compelled his brain to continue speaking? Now, he had no choice but to swallow the lump in his throat and just speak. He _knows_ Bokuto-San will sniff out any emotions in his words like a hungry dog. He's not sure if he's ready. 

"I saw you." He finally says. "I saw you play at a Fukurodani game. You were only in first year, but I... Something about you really inspired me. The way you played with so much passion. With so much strength, like you put your whole heart into the ball. I..." He gulps. Once again, he spoke too much. "You were quite cool, I suppose." Akaashi adds, hoping the monotonous _I suppose_ took some edge off of the heavy words he had just spoken aloud.

There is yet another moment of silence between them, and _damn,_ _what is with these long pauses?_ Suddenly, so suddenly, he hears a soft laugh come from Bokuto-San. The most quiet, pretty laugh to ever come out of the boy. 

"I'm glad someone like me was able to persuade someone like you." Bokuto-San says. It doesn't sound like Bokuto-San talking, yet at the same time it sounds like him _so much,_ it rattles Akaashi's bones. 

"Someone like me?" He asks into the night air. Who is Akaashi Keiji to Bokuto-San, anyway? Who is Akaashi Keiji?

When Bokuto-San doesn't respond, Akaashi turns his head towards his best friend. Bokuto-San is propped up on his elbows, and even in the dark, Akaashi can see Bokuto-San's large golden eyes peering at him as if they're glowing, and that signature grin of his. 

"Someone perfect." 

Akaashi is sure he's stopped breathing. He can't seem to look away, yet he can't bring himself to say something. He notes that the way his blood thrums in his ears is strange, but nothing to be too alarmed about, right? But there were so many things he wanted to say. They all crashed around in his mind chaotically like waves against jagged rocks. In spite of all the words, the only thing that he could manage to say was a miserable "Goodnight, Bokuto-San." 


	6. Chapter 6

On the last night of training camp, Akaashi can't seem to sleep. So, he decides to take a walk around the building.

He's not sure if it's nerves, or if he's sad that it's over, or if his brain just won't shut up about Bokuto-San calling him perfect. He's sure it's all three. Why should he care that Bokuto-San called him perfect, though? Bokuto-San says lots of things. They almost never mean anything. 

...

...Akaashi knows that's not true. Akaashi knows that everything Bokuto-San says has too much meaning. And no one has told Akaashi he was perfect, not like that. Not even his parents. He's heard it many times, from jealous classmates after he gets a perfect score on a test, or when he does something right on the first try. Those times seem different than when Bokuto-San said it. Akaashi pointedly glares at the floor as he thinks, and thinks, and thinks. _Now you're overthinking,_ he tells himself calmly, as if doing so would help shut his brain up. There's nothing else to it-- he knows that he truly, deeply respects Bokuto-San as his best friend to the point where he will take all those words straight to his heart. 

Suddenly, Akaashi's overwhelming thoughts are knocked out of him as he slams into something-- or, some _one._ He lets out a little _oof_ before looking down at the person in question-- he's shocked to see Hinata-Kun's petite body staring up at him in shock. 

"A-Akaashi-San! I am so sorry, are you okay!" He nearly yells, but then he realizes that it is currently the dead of night, so he lowers his voice to a high-pitched whisper. "I'm so sorry!"

Akaashi ignores Hinata-Kun's cries in favour of looking at him skeptically-- well, he's skeptical on the inside. On the outside, he's the same as ever. "Hinata-Kun? What are you doing up this late?" Hinata looks at him shyly and bites his lip.

"I couldn't sleep." He tells Akaashi, and he knows instantly it's true, though Hinata-Kun seems to be hiding the reason why. It doesn't matter, though. This is just a sign that Akaashi should turn around and go back to bed so he's well-rested for tomorrow. He knows he won't sleep if he goes back now, though.

"Do you want to walk with me?" He asks despite himself, and inwardly he cringed. He wanted to be alone right now, and while he decided that Hinata-Kun was nice enough, he didn't really care for a buddy at the moment. _No, that's rude._ He tells himself. He looks at Hinata-Kun reluctantly, silently wishing he would decline. Of course, that isn't the case. Hinata-Kun nods apprehensively and finds a place beside Akaashi. They walk on in silence.

He can tell Hinata-Kun is antsy with the lack of speaking, so he glances at him every few minutes to make sure he's okay, but it seems to make him more nervous. "Akaashi-San..." Hinata-Kun says, stopping abruptly. Akaashi stops a few feet before him. He looks at the younger boy, waiting for him to say something. Hinata-Kun looks around awkwardly, as if he doesn't know what to say next.

"Akaashi-San, have you ever had to tell your family something really hard?" He asks, and Akaashi instantly feels awkward, but he still wants to try and help the boy with whatever problem is causing him to act so flighty. So he thinks long and hard about the question.

"Perhaps," Akaashi says, but he knows he hasn't. Akaashi doesn't really tell his parents anything aside from what they'd like to hear. "What type of hard thing? Like, if you accidentally broke a lamp?" He's not sure why he asked that. He knows what Hinata-Kun meant.

Hinata-Kun frowns deeper. "No, I mean more personal. Like, like..." He racks his brain for example, but sighs when he thinks of nothing. "I don't know. Never mind, I'm sorry." Akaashi frowns at the boy who continues to walk, trying to pretend that interaction never happened. 

"...Are you scared of how they'd react?" 

Hinata-Kun looks at Akaashi with round brown eyes and nods. Akaashi looks forward. "I understand. It must be scary." He starts. He doesn't really know what to say next. "If it's something personal that doesn't affect your parents, you don't have to say anything. You have a choice to stay quiet. But... if you must tell them, then I think you'll be able to do it. You have a lot of courage when you're on the volleyball court, dangerous amounts actually, so I think if you channel that courage to other aspects of your life, you'll be just fine." He says. He does not assure Hinata-Kun that his family won't react badly, because that's wrong. He doesn't know what they'll do. He doesn't know what Hinata-Kun is even asking. "They may react badly, but Hinata-Kun, you're quite strong. I can see it in everything you do." He adds bluntly. 

The way Hinata-Kun's eyes shimmer with emotion at the praise makes the tight ball in Akaashi's chest lighten up a bit. A grin slowly grows on the shorter boy's face. "Do you really think that, Akaashi-San?" He breathes. Akaashi just nods. After a moment of silence, which Akaashi believes to be a bonding moment, Hinata-Kun lets out a happy noise that Akaashi can't quite describe, something like a _huwaaaaaaaa_ and an _eeeeee_ combined. "That means a lot coming from someone as wonderful as you!" He cries. 

"Thank you, Hinata-Kun." 

"I'm serious! The way you set is nothing like Bakageyama, he's so _grr_ and _Hinata-Boke!_ While you're more like, _hmm_ and _Bokuto-San!_ You and Bokuto-San have such a deep connection, so in sync, it's scary! How did you get so close?" Hinata-Kun rambles, and Akaashi is only able to follow along because he has to endure Bokuto-San speak like this all the time.

"You and Kageyama-Kun have quite a strong connection as well," Akaashi says, ignoring Hinata-Kun's question. "I can see it clearly."

Hinata-Kun raises his eyebrows in shock. "Ya think? Not like you and Bokuto-San, though." Akaashi shrugs. _It may be more similar than we both realize._

The two boys walk together for a while longer. Hinata-Kun seems happy now, all anxieties dissipated, and for a while, as Akaashi listens to the ginger ramble about everything in an oh-so-familiar manner, he feels his anxieties dissipate as well. 

By the end of their walk, Akaashi decides he likes Hinata-Kun a lot. 

The end-of-training-camp barbeque was nice, in Akaashi's opinion. Akaashi spoke quite a bit with his new little _gang,_ but he also spoke a lot to Kageyama-Kun from Karasuno, who seemed to deeply admire him. It should really be the other way around, though, shouldn't it? Kageyama Tobio was, in all technicality, one of the best players Akaashi has ever met. Skill-wise, Akaashi could never compete. It's daunting to think about, how easily he can be tossed in the trash to make way for much more talented players. Akaashi hopes Bokuto-San would never do that to him-- Bokuto-San has showed him too much kindness to turn his back on Akaashi now.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear, apparently, because suddenly Bokuto-San is right near Akaashi's face as if he had forgotten their chat about _personal space_ and _boun_ _daries_ they had a week or two ago. Well, it should be alright. Akaashi doesn't particularly mind.

"Hey, Akaashi, are you going to eat that?" Bokuto-San chirps, pointing his chopsticks at a slice of tender meat sitting on Akaashi's paper plate, the perfect amount of moisture oozing out of it. Akaashi raises his brows.

"Well, it's on my plate, so yes, I was planning on eating it." He muses, and Bokuto-San seems to physically droop in disappointment.

"But Aghaasheh, that looks like the _perfect_ slice of meat! I'll trade all my vegetables for it!"

Unfair trade. "No."

Bokuto-San whines, but Akaashi is already looking around for a solution to his Bokuto-San problem. Something to soothe his mood. "Here," Akaashi says, picking up a very nice-looking piece of meat and offering it to Bokuto-San. The boy doesn't look convinced. 

"That's nice but it doesn't look perfect like yours." 

"Well, there are many definitions of perfect. I personally think this one is more perfect, it's a little rough around the edges but still grilled just right." Akaashi shakes the chopsticks very gently in front of Bokuto-San's face, and he can tell that the gray-haired boy is drooling. 

"You're right. And it _does_ look yummy..." He murmurs, then all of a sudden he chomps on the meat straight from Akaashi's chopsticks. Akaashi lets his gaze linger on Bokuto-San before looking back down. 

"What's this? Akaashi's feeding Bokuto?" Konoha-San suddenly says as he emerges from a crowd of people, along with Komi. "When is it my turn?" His voice is teasing, his eyebrows raised and eyelids heavy. Komi-San grins along.

Akaashi deadpans at them. They seem to be getting it wrong. Before he can say anything, though, Bokuto-San throws an arm around Akaashi's shoulders, leaning into him. Akaashi is acutely aware of his friend's body heat, the way their bodies stick together from their collective sweat but not to the point where it's uncomfortable. Or maybe it is. 

"Sorry, guys, but Akaashi only feeds _me._ I am his favourite, after all." He teases right back to the boys, and Akaashi barely lets himself glance at the boy that is stuck to him. 

"You are not my favourite." He says, and Bokuto-San lets out an offended noise while Komi-San and Konoha-San snicker. "I don't have favourites." 

"Akaashi, you don't have to lie--" 

"Hey! Akaashi is the team mom and moms are _not_ allowed to have favourites." Komi-San tells Bokuto-San matter-of-factly. 

"Who says?" Is his response. 

"Dude, what family did you grow up in? Does your mom have favourites?" Konoha-San scrunches his nose teasingly. 

"Uh, yeah, me!" Bokuto-San cries, and Akaashi knows that there are responses and more bickering, and even Sarukui-San joins the boys at some point, but the words all fade out into white noise for Akaashi. Instead, he is acutely aware of the fact that Bokuto-San did not move his arm away from the spot around Akaashi's shoulders. It's strange to be so intent on that one thing, but he is anyway. Bokuto-San has very strong arms. Bokuto-San smells faintly of pine. Bokuto-San, Bokuto-San, Bokuto-San. 

"Akaashi, what do you think?" Bokuto-San suddenly asks, and his breath tickles Akaashi's ear a bit, and really, what were they talking about?

"...Pardon?" 

"Akaasheh! Were you not listening this whole time?" He whines. Akaashi notices that Bokuto-San whines a lot, but not in an annoying way. Mostly. Akaashi shakes his head.

"Well, we were talking about--" Suddenly, Bokuto-San is interrupted by Hinata-Kun calling. 

" _Bokuto-San! Please come give me more stories about how you became the best ace!_ " The distant cry says.

"Fourth best ace, actually." Akaashi murmurs. 

" _Akaaashi!_ " Bokuto-San snaps, very gently smacking the top of Akaashi's head, but there's no aggression. This is just friendly banter between friends. Then, he turns to where Hinata-Kun is standing with a few other people. "I'm coming!" He yells, then he disappears. Akaashi shivers at the empty space over his shoulders, grasping onto the ghost of Bokuto-San's touch.

He notices Konoha-San leaning over the grill. "I'm sorry about that, Akaashi, Bokuto is so oblivious sometimes. That must've been torture." He says, and Akaashi tilts his head at the boy. His face remains the same except for the slight furrow of his brow to communicate his confusion. 

"What do you mean?" He asks. He truly doesn't know.

Komi-San and Sarukui-San lean in from either side of Konoha-San now, too. "I think they're both oblivious." They say simultaneously. Akaashi doesn't understand, so he just goes back to his food and scoops up the perfect slice of meat in his chopsticks. He brings it to his mouth.

Something about it doesn't taste right. He secretly wishes he had eaten the one he fed to Bokuto-San-- that one looked much better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> training camp arc over heeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i'm hoping to make the chapters longer now!!! also im sO sorry but im SO lazy so if you catch any weird mistakes its because I missed it when editing


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!!!! I'm SO sorry it's been so long quarantine kind of drained all my motivation to write so I haven't touched this in a while-- but I DO intend to finish this. And, while I was not motivated to write actual chapters, my brain has been producing scenes and plot points and has been fleshing out the story in my head. From now on, I'm gonna try and make the actual chapters longer! I hope y'all stick with me
> 
> Also also, I just recently got back into Harry Potter, so I started thinking about a bokuaka Harry Potter AU!!! But it's not your usual Hogwarts AU, no no-- I'm going to base it on the Japanese school of magic instead because, well, that's where they'd actually go. I'm not planning on starting until after this fic, but like, just be ready for cool magic stuff!!???!;,kameejnvglkianenvfrlanelir im excited for it

Akaashi got used to the quiet very quickly.

It had been a week since training camp had finished, and Akaashi would be lying if he said he didn't miss it. He missed staying up late playing cards with Kuroo-San and Bokuto-San, he missed reeling in Hinata-Kun and Bokuto-San as they quickly got over-excited, he missed sitting with Tsukishima-Kun and Kuroo-San during their free time and quietly chatting about anything. He missed spending quality time with Bokuto-San. Of course, they still spend time together, but it's not the same as then, because now they don't get as much time for extra practice, and they aren't in class together, and countless other things. 

Akaashi very sternly tells himself to snap out of-- to _focus_ on the lesson his teacher was giving and writing notes. There was no reason to be thinking of Bokuto-San-- though, it seems, he always does it anyway. Whether Akaashi is focusing on studies or playing violin, Bokuto-San is always on the back of his mind. He is an enigma, a code to crack, an other-worldly being that Akaashi can't seem to figure out. Akaashi just assumes that the reason he is caught up on Bokuto-San more than others is because of simply that-- he's an unknown variable. 

Speaking of the unknown variable, Bokuto-San is waiting at the classroom doors when Akaashi snaps back into reality. Bokuto-San always sits with him during lunch, except he hadn't even noticed lunchtime had started. When did class end? Akaashi sighed, gently closing his notebook filled with messy notes (Akaashi level messy, which is perfect average person writing). He pushes himself up and walks towards his friend, and immediately notices his mood-- his shoulders are slumped, his lips are pulled in a slight frown, eyes dropped. It's as if he's being pulled down by gravity. 

"Bokuto-San, what's the matter?" Akaashi asks him, forgetting about greeting him like a normal person would and going straight to his problem. Bokuto-San yelps in surprise and eyes him warily. 

"What's the matter? Nothing's the matter! What are you talking about, 'Kaashi?" He half-yells. "Jheez! You didn't even say hi, now you're askin' me what's wrong!" 

Akaashi frowns at him. "You're extremely flighty. Come on, let's go find a place to eat." Bokuto-San nods silently.

They sit on the roof together, uncomfortably quiet on both sides. Usually, Akaashi focuses his eyes on the sky as he listens to Bokuto-San chat his ear off, but not this time. He sighs. "Seriously, Bokuto-San, what's wrong? You're worrying me." 

Bokuto-San lets out a whine that sounds vaguely like a kitten. "Okay, okay, I'll tell you. But! You have to promise not to tell anyone!" 

Akaashi tilts his head. "Okay, I promise."

"Nope! Not good enough. Last time you said that you ended up blurting my secret in front of the third gym squad." He grunts, and Akaashi decides to ignore the strange name he gave their little friend group with Kuroo-San and the others, instead focusing on Bokuto-San's hand, which is waving in front of Akaashi's face with a raised pinky. "Pinky promise you won't tell!" 

Akaashi watches the hand for a moment, face flushed in embarrassment at how childish this is, but either way he links his pinky with Bokuto-San's, keeping it there firmly and staring as Bokuto-San said a weird little secret-chant. Akaashi's eyes move back up towards Bokuto-San's face. "So?"

Bokuto-san sighs. "I failed my math test again. I mean, seriously! I worked hard, too!" Akaashi raises a skeptical brow at that. Bokuto-San looks at him sheepishly. "Okay, well, I _tried_ to do the work..." He trails off and gives Akaashi a nervous glance when he gets no response aside from a long hum. "Akaashi? Why are you staring at me like that?" Akaashi blinks at him. 

"Oh. Well, I was just thinking..." He starts, observing Bokuto-San. "There has to be some way for you to understand math. It's a systematic thing, with a fixed answer. There's no way you can't understand. You just have to find a learning method that suits you." _I think._ He adds, but not aloud. Bokuto-San's face lights up immediately at the comment.

"Really!? You really think I can learn, 'Kaashi!?" He cries happily, leaning dangerously close to Akaashi. Akaashi leans back.

"Of course, Bokuto-San." Is all he can muster in the moment before he adds: "Actually, I'll help you, if you want." 

Bokuto-San's jaw drops. "YOU WILL?!" He screams excitedly, before stopping abruptly. "But, Akaashi, you're a year younger than me." 

Akaashi shrugs. "I suppose I'll just help you find the method of learning." He pauses, looking to the side briefly where the school grounds expands below. Before his brain can stop himself, Akaashi is talking again. "Do you want to come over tonight? So I can help you." Why did he say that? He has never brought a guest over before. He has never felt the need. So why now, of all times?

Akaashi has never seen Bokuto-San make this face. It's some sort of flushed, child-like glee, ecstatic at the prospect of just going to a friend's house. To _study,_ of all things. " _SERIOUSLY!?!?_ " He screams, once again. Akaashi winces at the ringing in his ear, just barely, before giving Bokuto-San a shaky affirmation. "I've never gone to your house before! Even though we've been best friends for over a year now!" Akaashi very promptly ignores the way his chest tightens happily at the words _best friends._ He's never had a best friend before.

"Well, I've never really brought anyone to my house before. It's not the most eventful place," he says steadily. Bokuto-San frantically shakes his head. 

"I highly, highly doubt that." He gasps. "Will I get to meet your parents?!" 

"Ah... No, I'm sorry. They won't be home until late." _Perhaps that's for the best. I can't imagine Bokuto-San conversing with my parents._

Bokuto-San just hums, mood unchanged. "That's okay! Another time." Akaashi bites his tongue hard. Maybe not another time. 

Suddenly, Bokuto-San is very close to Akaashi again, a grin spread across his face. "Thank you, Akaashi. I really appreciate this!" Akaashi murmurs a small _you're welcome,_ barely audible because he can't really think of anything aside from that fact that Bokuto-San's face is mere inches away from his own. _Personal space,_ he wants to say. But he doesn't. 

It doesn't matter anyway, though, because Bokuto-San pulls away on his own accord. "Oh, shoot! It's almost time to go to class. I'll see you at practice, Akaashi!" He hoots before hurrying away excitedly, humming a happy tune as he walks. Akaashi stares after him, a strange feeling of dread growing in his stomach for no reason.

Well, at least Bokuto-San's mood was brightened. 

Bokuto-San cut his extra practice early because he was so excited to go to Akaashi's house-- that is saying something.

Once the two were all cleaned up, they began their trek down the street and on the train-- chatting idly about their days. Finally, they make it to the quiet paved street that leads them to their destination. 

"We're here," Akaashi says as they reach his driveway-- for some reason, Akaashi is nervous. He occasionally glances at Bokuto-San as he unlocks the door, noting the anticipation sparkling in his eyes as he focuses on Akaashi's hands fiddling with the key. It finally unlocks, swinging open to reveal the pristine hardwood floors and cool air of his house. Bokuto-San lets out an awe-struck noise, something akin to a hoot but also a laugh. 

"Oh, wow, Akaashi~" He cries out, rushing into the house after a very quick _sorry for the intrusion._ "How is your house a literal perfect mix of traditional and modern?! And it's so clean! My house is never this clean." He's basically screeching at this point, moving around and curiously observing every single object laid out perfectly.

Akaashi shuts the door. Bokuto-San is in his house. "Well, my parents care very much about order..."

"Your parents sound real strict!"

Akaashi fiddles with his fingers. "Yes. But, it's not too bad when you think about it. Their expectations for success are what have brought me so far. Especially my mother..." Bokuto-San gives Akaashi a funny look he can't describe.

"What does your mom do?" He asks, looking through every single item on Akaashi's sleek wooden coffee table.

"She's a CEO. A very scary one." He murmurs the last part.

"Woah! That's so cool! What about your dad?" 

"He's a construction worker. Let's go to my room, I need to drop off my stuff." 

This catches Bokuto-San's attention. "I get to see your room?" He asks slowly. Akaashi nods apprehensively ( _Why does Bokuto-San seem so shocked at the fact that I have a bedroom?_ ) and gestures for his friend to follow him down the hall and to the right. 

Akaashi is not particular about his room's decorations. He keeps things quite simple, aside from the stringed lights above his study corner, and a few posters here and there. And, of course, the tiny owl plush that sat on his made bed.

"Wow..." Bokuto-San breathes, standing at the entrance and looking around at the soft gray walls. "Even your room is perfectly clean! And look!!!" He rushes toward the bed and scoops up the plush owl. " _This is so cute!!_ " He all but yells. "You sleep with this, Akaashi? What's its name?" 

Akaashi's face reddens at the fact that Bokuto-San is in his room, taking a peak at Akaashi's private life, holding his prized owl. This feels personal. But how can someone be personal with another if they're not even willing to dig deep within _themselves? ".._.His name is Owl." Akaashi mumbles, hoping Bokuto-San didn't hear. But, of course, he did. And, of _course,_ he was laughing hysterically.

"Oh my _God,_ you named your owl... Owl?!?" He's gasping for breath at this point, sticking his face into the toy. 

"I was young...! I didn't understand how naming things worked!"

" _HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

Akaashi gives him an unimpressed (slightly embarrassed) look, snatching Owl and flicking Bokuto-San on the forehead. "Stop bullying me. Get out your textbook and do some work, okay?" 

Bokuto-San's face snaps out of laughter quickly, joy dissipating from his face and being replaced with disappointment. "Oh yeah," he murmured. "Work."

They sat together in silence for a while, Akaashi working quickly at his desk while Bokuto-San is sprawled out on his bed, every once in a while dropping his head onto his textbook or scribbling on what Akaashi assumes to be a failed math equation. Akaashi gently closes his own book, pushing the chair gently and sitting beside Bokuto-San on his bed. He ignores whatever stirs in his chest at the sight of his friend laying there. "Okay, Bokuto-San. What seems to be the problem?" 

Bokuto-San stares up at him apprehensively for a moment before looking down at his work. "I guess I don't really get how to do any of it." 

"Were you listening in class?"

"Of course I was!"

Akaashi examines the questions. They seem to be quadratic relations of some sort, and he doesn't understand a thing. He's not sure how he could be helpful in this situation. 

He stares blankly at the papers for a moment. "Well, um..." An idea strikes. A dumb idea, but an idea none the less. "What if you relate this to volleyball?"   
  


"...Huh?" 

Definitely a dumb idea-- but there's no turning back now. "Well, you know everything there is to know about volleyball, right? That's not hard to understand for you. So, if you look at the math problem like it's a game and translate the rules of volleyball into that... then maybe you'll understand." He makes sure he doesn't show on his face that he has no idea what's coming out of his own mouth.

Bokuto-San seems to seriously consider this, he's the only person who would, because Bokuto-San isn't normal, is he? Well, Akaashi is the one who _thought_ of the idea so maybe he isn't normal either. "So, this variable is, like, a ball...?" He questions carefully, flickering his eyes from Akaashi to the work below him.

"Sure." He has no idea.

Either way, Bokuto-San's eyes light up as if suddenly everything makes sense. "Hey, hey, hey--! That actually kinda works! How the hell did you do that?!" Akaashi shrugs in response. "You know me so well, don't you? Don't talk to me for a bit, I'm working!" He says, struck with motivation and sudden understanding of the concept that Akaashi is sure he has understood the whole time, he just didn't know how to work with it in a Bokuto-San-friendly way.

Akaashi smiles at the back of Bokuto-San's head for a moment before getting up and going back to his own work. A little, nagging voice in the back of his head murmurs at him that he didn't actually help Bokuto-San. _What if he's actually getting it all wrong? It's not like you can check. He's in this alone and you may have just messed this up for him more._ Akaashi shakes the thoughts out of his head, telling himself to shut up and focus. That seems to happen a lot, whether it be for him to shut up and focus on school, or on a volleyball game, or on anything other than Bokuto-San... He stares down at his empty notebook. 

They work together mostly in silence (which is a surprise from Bokuto-San), otherwise talking about unimportant things like volleyball or a book Akaashi read. 

"Bokuto-San, we've been working hard. Do you want to eat here?" Akaashi says after a while, noticing the way Bokuto-San has started to fidget a bit. He seems to perk up at this. 

"I could go for some food...! I could always go for some food." He lets out an obnoxiously loud laugh that seems to ring in the silent house. 

Akaashi lets Bokuto-San follow him out to the kitchen, sitting him at the counter to wait as Akaashi pulls out ingredients for their meal. 

" _Woah!_ You can cook?" Bokuto-San hoots from behind his back. 

"It's nothing special," he muses. "I prepare all of my own meals, so I had to learn at least the basics of cooking. Just enough to give me something healthy to eat." Akaashi rests the skillet on the stove and prepares the cut up chicken pieces beside him. 

"I can barely cook rice." Bokuto-San sighs. "My mom makes my meals, but there's no way I'm complaining. I like the eating, not the doing." Bokuto-San rambles, leaning over the counter to see what Akaashi is doing. "That's looking yummy."

"I'm very sorry I didn't have anything prepared beforehand." He says politely in return. 

Bokuto-San waves it off. "I don't care. I'm just glad I got to come here at all!" He exclaims, before going strangely quiet. Akaashi feels his strong presence at the counter, eyes piercing into the back of his head, inquisitive. So, he spares a glance over his shoulder only to see a perplexed look on Bokuto-San's face. 

"What's wrong?" 

"It's really quiet in here." He says simply, looking around. 

"Yes, well, when I have loudness happening all around me at school all day, sometimes it's nice to come home to some peace and quiet." Akaashi responds. _Sometimes._ Akaashi can't even count how many times he has come home to a deafening, uncomfortable silence, piercing his ears and his heart. No amount of work or violin practice or volleyball games on his t.v could drown it out. It's as if Akaashi is the loudest thing in his house, which is funny, because he's so quiet everywhere else. Yet even when he is the loudest thing in the room, no one can hear him, no one can acknowledge him, because no one is there. How strange it is to think that Akaashi feels so out of place in his own home. 

Bokuto-San hums, looking around once more, but this time with a purpose. He lights up, seemingly finding what he's looking for, and gets up to grab it. Upon further inspection, Akaashi realizes that Bokuto-San has found a tiny little radio. _Oh, no._ Akaashi groans to himself.

It's almost as if Bokuto-San sensed it, though, because he lets out an excited "Oh, yes!" before blasting music. 

_Oh, when you walk by every night_  
_Talking sweet and looking fine_  
_I get kinda hectic inside_

Bokuto-San's voice is brass and out of tune as he sings along, but Akaashi finds it endearing. "Akaaaaaaaashi, sing along with me!" 

"No."

"Akaaaaaaaaaaashehhhhhhhh--"

"Absolutely not."

"But-- okay." He sighs, going silent. Akaashi should not feel as guilty as he does, because Bokuto-San _always_ gets pouty. But he just can't say no to him. 

Quietly, Akaashi starts to sing along to the loud music. Extremely quiet. So quiet, that Bokuto-San nearly doesn't notice-- nearly. When he does hear, he does not hide the awe in his face as he gapes at Akaashi. 

"Wh-what?" He asks, shying away from the stare.

"AKAASHI! Your voice is so... is so... cute!" He gawks, grabbing Akaashi by both his shoulders so their faces are close. Akaashi gives him a troubled look. 

"Cute...?" 

Bokuto-San closes his eyes and throws his head back. "Akaashi, no fair! You can sing beautifully too? And I bet that food is gonna taste beautiful too! What other beautiful things are you hiding?"

Akaashi is positive his face is red. "I..." he starts, eyes flickering to the side so they don't look at Bokuto-San's eyes right in front of him. "Am not that beautiful." No. Definitely not. Akaashi's nothing but a hollow shell. 

Bokuto-San seems to think otherwise, though, and he looks down at Akaashi with eyebrows raised and a soft smile on his face. The music seems to dissipate into background noise, muffling the deafness Akaashi feels. "Of course you're beautiful." 

They stay like that for what seems to be an eternity, but Akaashi knows it was just a few moments before Bokuto-San perks up. "Oh, I love this part!" He chirps, turning away and leaving Akaashi a bit of a mess as he sings along terribly again. Akaashi watches Bokuto-San as he fails all the riffs and shimmies around with a smile on his face. Sometimes, Akaashi wonders how someone can be so happy. So carefree. He wishes he could be like that.

He gets back to cooking the nearly-forgotten meal, a smile splayed across his face as he dances along to the music with Bokuto-San.

The house is loud today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hint: family is important in this story
> 
> I always say i'll edit my chapters more thoroughly later and then I don't LOL so I just pray I haven't made too many mistakes half the time. Anyways, enjoy. (Also, the song they danced to is Fantasy by Mariah Carey don't ask why I don't know it's just so fun)


End file.
